Unfortunately with the calibre of my entry the comments were less useful than I would like. The method for commenting it seems is that each registered member has the opportunity to vote and comment on each entry. With there being 200+ entries you find yourself steaming through and not giving each one enough justice. Only one comment actually made note of what could do to improve which is what I thought was the whole point. Others comments just point to the fact they didn't bother observe it much.
Oh well this just means I need to aim higher to get the attention of those who would offer some some feedback and breakdown of my work.
My own person notes are that I should start by finishing it and the notes from the 11 Second club critiques are that the cigarette hand, fingers open at one point which would result in a burn and also that the whole thing is rigid due to the bodies subtle motions not being fleshed out.
On top of that I want to finish working on the timing, I didn't get any of the dramatic feel that I wanted from the eye and head motions, I could use a bit of punctuation and snap, the whole thing seems to be a singular pace. I think there is a degree of camera staging and lighting I would also like to use in future to achieve greater theatricality.
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